The Wall Street Journal bestselling author of 18 Minutes unlocks the secrets of highly successful leaders and pinpoints the missing ingredient that makes all the difference
You have the opportunity to lead: to show up with confidence, connected to others, and committed to a purpose in a way that inspires others to follow. Maybe it’s in your workplace, or in your relationships, or simply in your own life. But great leadership - leadership that aligns teams, inspires action, and achieves results - is hard. And what makes it hard isn’t theoretical, it’s practical. It’s not about knowing what to say or do. It’s about whether you’re willing to experience the discomfort, risk, and uncertainty of saying or doing it. In other words, the most critical challenge of leadership is emotional courage. If you are willing to feel everything, you can do anything.
Leading with Emotional Courage, based on the author’s popular blogs for Harvard Business Review, provides practical, real-world advice for building your emotional courage muscle. Each short, easy to read chapter details a distinct step in this emotional “workout,” giving you grounded advice for handling the difficult situations without sacrificing professional ground. By building the courage to say the necessary but difficult things, you become a stronger leader and leave the “should’ves” behind.
Theoretically, leadership is straightforward, but how many people actually lead? The gap between theory and practice is huge. Emotional courage is what bridges that gap. It’s what sets great leaders apart from the rest. It gets results. It cuts through the distractions, the noise, and the politics to solve problems and get things done. This book is packed with actionable steps you can take to start building these skills now.
- Have the courage to speak up when others remain silent
- Be stable and grounded in the face of uncertainty
- Respond productively to opposition without getting distracted
- Weather others’ anger without shutting down or getting defensive
Leading with Emotional Courage coaches you to build your emotional courage, exercise it effectively, and create an environment in which people around you take accountability to get hard things done.
Table of Contents
Why You Should Read This Book xxv
Self Assessment xxxvii
ELEMENT ONE
BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE 1
PART ONE KNOW WHO YOU ARE 3
Chapter 1 Be Yourself 5
The High Cost of Conformity, and How to Avoid It
Chapter 2 Find Your Ground 9
Stay Steady, Balanced, and Calm
Chapter 3 Stay Curious About Yourself 13
How to Ask for Feedback That Will Actually Help You
Chapter 4 Access Self-Compassion 17
The Problem with High Expectations
Chapter 5 Embrace Your Shadow 21
How to Avoid Becoming the Person You Hate
Chapter 6 It’s Not All About Achievement 25
Stop Worrying About How Much You Matter
PART TWO BECOME WHO YOU WANT TO BE 29
Chapter 7 Find Clarity 31
What’s Your One Big Theme?
Chapter 8 Become More of Who You Are 35
You’re Already Pretty Amazing
Chapter 9 Stay Focused 39
You Need to Practice Being Your Future Self
Chapter 10 Be Strategic and Intentional 43
Five Steps to Investing Your Energy More Wisely
Chapter 11 Don’t Lose Yourself in Pursuit of Becoming Yourself 47
Take Your Life Back
Chapter 12 How Will You Measure Success? 51
Why You Should Treat Laughter as a Metric
ELEMENT TWO
CONNECT WITH OTHERS 55
PART ONE BE CURIOUS AND TRUSTING 57
Chapter 13 The Impact of Trust 59
The Real Secret of Thoroughly Excellent Companies
Chapter 14 Stay Open 63
How to Really Listen
Chapter 15 Stay Curious About Others 67
People Can’t Be Summed Up by Personality Tests
Chapter 16 Stay Creative 71
Are You Trying to Solve the Wrong Problem?
Chapter 17 Be Useful 75
Hold the Baby
Chapter 18 Make People Feel Good 79
How Not to Lose a Sale
PART TWO BE CLEAR AND TRUSTWORTHY 83
Chapter 19 Everyone Is Contagious 85
How to Use Your Superpower for Good
Chapter 20 Use Fear as a Guide 89
How to Talk About What You Most Dread
Chapter 21 Lead with the Punchline 93
How to Start a Hard Conversation
Chapter 22 Skillful Communication in the Heat of the Moment 97
Outsmart Your Next Angry Outburst
Chapter 23 Own Your Stuff 101
I Want You to Apologize
Chapter 24 Let Others Know You See Them 105
20 Seconds to a Better Bonus
ELEMENT THREE
COMMIT TO PURPOSE 109
PART ONE ENERGIZE YOUR FOCUS 111
Chapter 25 Play Hard 113
Nadal Is Strong Enough to Cry; Are You?
Chapter 26 Know Where You’re Going 117
Define Your Big Arrow
Chapter 27 Focus Where It Matters 123
Four Areas to Focus Your Attention
Chapter 28 Use Your Focus as a Filter 127
Use Your First Day Back from Vacation to Energize Your Focus
Chapter 29 You Can’t Say It Enough 131
The Mouthwash Principle: For Energized Focus, Rinse and Repeat
Chapter 30 And Sometimes It’s Better to Say Less 135
If You Want People to Listen, Stop Talking
PART TWO FOCUS THEIR ENERGY 139
Chapter 31 Gifted, Game, and Generous 141
Three Qualities All Leaders Need to Cultivate Within Their Teams
Chapter 32 Engage from the Beginning 145
The Farm-to-Table Method of Focusing the Energy of Your Team
Chapter 33 Helping Others Be Trustworthy 149
The Secret to Ensuring Follow-Through
Chapter 34 Creating Accountability 153
Five Building Blocks for a Culture of Accountability
Chapter 35 Bigger Than You 157
Why Leaders Should Try to Be Overwhelmed
Chapter 36 Improving Performance After a Critical Error (PACE) 161
How to React When Someone Disappoints
ELEMENT FOUR CULTIVATE
EMOTIONAL COURAGE 165
PART ONE FEEL COURAGEOUSLY 167
Chapter 37 Know What You Are Feeling 169
Develop Your Awareness
Chapter 38 Feeling Is Physical 173
Dance with Your Monster
Chapter 39 Practice Feeling 177
Embracing Temptation
Chapter 40 Feel Uncertainty 181
The Emotional Adventure of Leadership
Chapter 41 Be Willing to Feel the Hard Stuff 185
Why Leaders Must Feel Pain
Chapter 42 Feel Everything 189
Allow for Complexity
PART TWO ACT BOLDLY 193
Chapter 43 Risk Is the Key to Leadership 195
Unlocking Your Success Equation
Chapter 44 Build Your Risk Muscle 199
The Small Personal Risks That Change Behavior
Chapter 45 Make a Decision 203
Act Boldly to Get Moving
Chapter 46 Risk Truth 207
It’s Your Job to Tell the Bold Truths
Chapter 47 Try Something Different 211
The Unexpected Power of Inauthenticity
Chapter 48 The Limitless Possibility of Now 215
A Question That Can Change Your Life
Epilogue 219
Acknowledgments 221
About the Author 223
